1. Don’t go to Gordon beach
Seriously, it’s not a place you should go to, unless of course if you really feel like squeezing between 300 sun umbrellas until you get to the actual beach, and than get hit by a couple of gorilla-size motivated Matkot players that are taking up the water line. And than decide you will take a sun umbrella from the local gansters who are renting them. and than pay $2000-+ to get it and feel so sorry about it, that you just have to order a super priced expensive cocktail that tastes like the Dead Sea, which is maybe where you would prefer to be instead.
2. Don’t buy an overpriced shawarma
Some people say, that shawarma is the food of the gods. But even if you are a true believer, you don’t have to pay too much for your special treat. The price of the shawarma decrease geographically, from north to south. Meaning, if you try to buy a shawarma around Rabin Square, you could find yourself paying 10-15 NIS more than what you would have paid down south, in Allenby Street for example, Though some would say eating a one on Allenby borders with a hygiene risk. This is however – not – our professional opinion. The only risk involved is inability to get up from the chair and put yourself bed for a good nap. Try it, or you can try these recommended places instead.
3. Don’t settle for accommodations without an air conditioner in July – August
Not a joke. In all these nice pics of beautiful people on the white sand of Tel Aviv, one thing is absent:- the temperature. In the summer, the temperature in TLV gets wildly hot. On some days, you can crack an egg open on the floor and soon enough you will have an omelet fried and waiting. Whatever you do, make sure you have a proper air conditioner in the tel aviv summer, And if you don’t, try to map out the list of AM:PM, take a bus to jerusalem, go to macdonal’s, or even public buses that can save you from the heat.
4. Don’t go shopping in Dizengoff Center if you have less than 3 hours
And a map. And a compass. Good walking shoes you can obviously buy – it’s a shopping mall. Water and food you can buy. A sleeping bag too. The reason you might need all of the above is that the ‘Center’, was for some reason, built as a maze, and it’s extremely hard to find yourself in it, even for natives. The regular experience of ‘getting lost’ in a shopping mall definitely reaches an extreme in this one, because this mall crosses Dizingof Street with a tunnel and a bridge, and has multiple exits in so many different places.
5. Don’t leave your bicycle alone
Tel-Aviv is a bike friendly city. This is maybe why some people will try to take your hipster shiny new magazine bicycle, you just payed so much for, and sell it somewhere else to another hipster with less money. There are stories of dudes that had their bycycle stolen more than 3 (!) times. But still, pedalling is the best and most fun way to get around in TLV. You just might have to be more careful and prepare yourself for the possibility that one day you’ll just have to buy a new hipster drive.
6. Don’t get drunk in a bar – it’s too expensive
Unless one beer gets you to whereever you want to go, put some strategic economical thought about your way to heaven. Alcohol prices are damn high these days and you wouldn’t want to become a victim of prohibition. So, our advice is to visit the local “pitzutzia” (7/11, convenience shop) and look for something that will help you start the evening, together with all the other homeless.
7. Don’t look for the local underground (or trust any public transportation system)
The public transportation system of the most modern city in israel is, let’s just say, challenged. That means no Metro and no Underground. What Tel Aviv does have is buses, and a special kind of taxi called “sherut”, which is just like a bus, only smaller, dirtier and works in the late night hours when buses go to sleep. There is also the option of getting a bicycle and pedal around which brings you back to item #05
8. Don’t skateboard without a shirt (or any other variation of shirtless)
Hi, this is the Middle East – not the jungle. Yes it gets super hot (item#03) but keep your shirt on. No one wants to see you without a shirt. There are exceptions obviously but lets just say that as a rule of thumb, just don’t.
9. Don’t stay less than a week
Actually, it would be better to say don’t stay less than a year, but lets be realistic and leave the long term plans for your next visit. Till then, I recommend to clear a whole week for Tel Aviv, if you can.